Selfishness.
 
I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word selfishness, I don’t exactly feel warm and fuzzy inside. Typically selfishness makes me cranky. Wikipedia says that selfishness “is being concerned excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure or welfare, regardless of others.”
 
But where’s the line? When does taking care of me stop and selfishness start? Let me tell you, I’ve struggled with this question for years. 

I have learned so much about life and self-care in the past year. Just a short year ago, my storm was building to full force. I knew I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained, but I didn’t realize to what degree. I had no idea what the next few months had in store for me.
 
Once the walls caved in and the storm raged wildly, I realized quickly that there is a distinct difference between selfishness and self-care and maintenance. Clearly I not done enough of the latter and I found myself up to my eyeballs in crap. As we began to trudge forward through this shit-storm, I learned one lesson I will never forget. 

​Self-maintenance is imperative in order to be a functioning, happy, healthy person. If you continually put others before yourself without doing any kind of self-care, there will come a point in time where you will meet your own storm. It may take days, months or even years of built up exhaustion, but it will happen. 

Throughout our own storm, Quintin and I coined a few phrases that kept us going through the darkest of times. “Selfish to be Selfless” is one that I believe in with my whole heart.
 
You have to be selfish to be selfless.
 
Let me draw a picture for you. Think of yourself as a glass of water. As you go through the day, serving your significant other, your children, your favorite charity, the glass is emptied a little at a time. If you do not refill your glass, it will eventually be empty. You can pretend it’s not for a while. You can even continue going through the “pouring into others” motion (pun intended). But eventually, as you try to give what you don’t have, people will catch on. Your significant other, your friends, your children, your co-workers… they will watch you go through the motions of life. But, the people who are close to you will know that your glass is empty. 

Trust me when I say, you do not want to experience an empty glass. See, if you continually refill your glass a little bit each day, there is less work to be done. But if you get to a point where your glass is completely empty, it takes a significant amount of time and work to refill it.
 
And the refilling it part sucks, especially if you’re not used to doing it.
 
If self-care has not been a habit for months or years… it is a hard routine to begin again. This is when the question “Is this self-care or selfishness?” creeps in. Because when you haven’t done anything to refill your glass in an extended period of time, everything you do for yourself feels selfish.
 
Hear me when I say… taking care of you is not selfish. It is your job to fill your glass in order to pour into those people in your life that mean so much to you.
 
Next time you feel guilty for spending extra time doing something that recharges you instead of serving someone you love, remember that a full “you” glass the best gift you can give to the people you love.  My advice to you is to take time each day to “fill your glass.” Whatever refills you, do it and do it daily.
 
You have to be selfish to be selfless.